True Confessions of a Grieving Dad

True or False: Time heals all wounds. Buzzzzzzz. Thanks for playing. The answer is false! Time can't heal anything. Whoever believes that time heals all wounds has never lost a child or children to this passage way into the eternal that we call death. The truth is this: only God heals; and he does it perfectly and in His time. My Jonathan and Jenny are perfectly healed. They entered the gates of heaven and the presence of God on August 16, 2002. They are healed and whole. But me, well, I'm an entirely different case. I'm still a grieving work in progress. This morning I reminisced about the day Jennifer and I buried our twins, Jonathan Austin and Jenny Diane. That was six years ago today (August 19). I read Psalm 139 this morning about God's handiwork at the inception of life and how he forms and shapes and crafts life. I read about how God ordains all the days of one's life before the first one is realized. And I thought about Jonathan and Jenny. They'd be six years old and probably starting Kindergarten this year like six year old Kendall Stephens, my Brenna's dear friend and the daughter of our dear friend Shannon Stephens, in Paris, Texas. What's the connection? Kendall turned six years old on August 15 (Happy Birthday Kendall!). She was born the exact same day as my Jonathan and Jenny. I see them in her. I see them playing and running and jumping. I see them hurting and crying and needing their daddy. I see them crawling up in their daddy's lap and going to sleep. I see them saying their prayers at bedtime. I see them, and I miss them. And I hurt deeply. Yes still after six years, my pain is real and my hurt is deep. I cried like a baby on Thursday and Friday - again - wishing it could be different and knowing that it can't be. I was and am much like the psalmist in Psalm 73:21-22: "When my heart was embittered, and I was pierced within, then I was senseless and ignorant; I was like a beast before Thee." I'm so thankful God understands my hurt and pain even when others don't. Yes, I know all the right answers. I know they are in a better place. In fact, they are in the best place they could possibly be - in heaven with their Father God. And yes, I know I'll see them again and be with them again - in eternity and for eternity because of my relationship with Jesus Christ. And yes, God comforts and strengthens and sustains and is healing my heart and my hurts and my deepest wounds - and I'm so very thankful. But still I grieve, and I suppose I'll grieve until I take my last breath. Is that healthy? Maybe not, but it's reality. However there is one other thing you must know. I continue to grieve, but not like those who have no hope. As Steven Curtis Chapman says in his song "With Hope": We can grieve with hope. Cause we believe with hope. There's a place by God's grace; there's a place where we'll see your face again.
God has taught me innumberable things over these past six years. Here's just a few: 1. As a follower of Jesus Christ, I'm not exempt from pain. The Bible says it rains on the just and the unjust alike. 2. Life is not fair, but God is faithful. I've learned more about God and who He is with greater depth and understanding because He's allowed Jennifer and I to walk this path of pain and struggle. That wouldn't have been possible a part from this deep valley. 3. Life hurts, but God heals. As Wayne Watson, in his song "Home Free" says, "At the ultimate healing, we will be home free." Heaven will be the ultimate healing; and it awaits for everyone who has entrusted their life to Jesus Christ as Savior and Lord. 4. Giants are big; but God is bigger. God is bigger than anything He will ever allow me to face or encounter in this life. And He is with me to walk through it (or carry me when necessary) every step of the way. Thank you, my Father. posted by John